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10 Things Divorced People Don’t Need to Hear

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10 Things Divorced People Don't Need to Hear

People mean well, most people anyway. However, even the most well meaning people can say all the wrong things. Today, I thought we could talk about what NOT to say to people who are going through a divorce or to people who have already been through a divorce.

Seriously, these are things that real people actually told me at one point or another…

10 Things Divorced People Don’t Need to Hear

1. “The divorce rate is just as high in the church as it is in the world.” Yes, we all know that. Not sure how that makes anyone feel better.

2. “Oh wow! Can you tell me what happened so I know how to pray for you?!!?”  This leads to that moment of awkwardness where I know all you really want are the details and since God knows them, you really don’t need those to pray for me.

3. “Will you ever get married again?” No one likes to hear this question. Think about when you were 20 years old and single and people asked “are you ever going to get married?” It’s kinda the same thing.

4. “How do you live alone? I just couldn’t do that.” It is what it is. Now I lay on any part of the bed I want and I take all the covers. Yep, that’s right.

5. “You should go on a singles retreat.” A what?!!? What is that? Is this like church camp for single people?!!? A weekend of nothing but awkwardness? No thanks, I can be awkward all by myself.

6. “You should lose weight and make yourself hot!” No one should ever say this to anyone in my opinion. And in all honesty, this only made me want to eat more Oreos.

7. “One day you’ll look back at this time and laugh.” Nope. No, I won’t.

8. “My marriage isn’t going well either, I’m so sick of my husband throwing his underwear on the floor.” Yes, this comment happened. Let’s just say one thing divorce does is put everything in perspective and your husband’s underwear on the floor is not that big of a deal. Bend over and pick it up. Problem solved.

9. “I can’t believe this happened to you. I never thought you’d be the one going through a divorce.” Me either.

10. “Insert awkward miscellaneous Bible verses here.” I know people don’t know what to say in tough situations but sometimes bringing in random Bible verses makes it worse even simple ones like “I know the plans I have for you…” When you’re in a bad situation, those types of things only lead to “Really? Was this the plan?!!?” Just being honest.

In saying that, if you know the person and you know the verse will encourage, that’s a totally different thing but just spouting off whatever verse comes into your mind at the moment might not help.

What can you do? What can you say?

You can cry too.

You can come over with groceries or even a lawnmower.

You can listen without repeating the story to ANYONE. You can pray without knowing all the details. You can organize a playdate so my kids can relieve stress too. You can tell me I’m beautiful when I’ve gained 30 pounds and you can tell me I’m beautiful when I lose it.

You can send me random songs on iTunes that will be the anthem to this time in my life. You can encourage me when I’m full of nothing but discouragement. And, when you see that glimmer in my eyes begin to return, you can fan the flame.

Save the “I’m sorry’s” and the “this should not have happened to you’s” and replace them with love, a shoulder to cry on and an ear that can be trusted.

For more posts in this series, simply click the image below:

The Big D: Dealing with Divorce as a Believer


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